Family
How to grieve a relationship (Part II)
3.Bringing out your anger
It’s a crucial step in the grieving process. Depending on the family where you grew up, this stage will be more or less difficult to externalize, because this emotion is very much influenced by your environment (how your family judges anger, how the country where you live or your culture accepts anger).
Here again, your anger is not intellectual/rational, it is physical and it is important to let it out.
Photo by jens holm on Unsplash
Anger is imprinted, stored in the organ of the liver, and if it is not released, it could turn into anguish, self-judgment, or even guilt, which will only lengthen the actual grieving phase.
The first step is to welcome and feel your anger:
– By putting it out on your own: screaming in a forest, expressing your anger in front of a mirror. Let it out. A very good Kundalini yoga exercise to get this anger out is the “Fist of anger”.
( in german but you can just copy the exercice)
– Getting help: There are several body techniques to help you getting your anger out. The one I practice is the Thai belly massage which allows you to empty your emotional bag, to get out your anger and what is hidden under this anger (sadness, anguish, impotence…).
Once you have expressed and felt this anger, it’s about turning the page by doing a ritual of forgiveness.
4.Grieving the relationship
The main difficulty in grieving a relationship is that the person left by choice and it’s not death that made it go away. If you have children with the person, you even have to be with them regularly.
John Hain on Pixabay
This means that there is always a little voice that will remind you of this rejection: “he prefers to live alone rather than with me or he prefers someone else.”
This phase of deep sadness is inevitable. It is a mental process that allows you to close the last hopes you have about the relationship, to finally accept the situation and move on. It can be almost like a depressive phase where you feel more like isolating yourself from the world.
To shorten this grieving phase, it’s very important to focus on yourself, to understand what you did wrong in the relationship (or let it happen). It’s not an easy pill to accept, I understand that, but for me
Being unhappy in Love is neither a coincidence nor a stroke of bad luck. By accepting your share of responsibility, you will more easily accept the end of the relationship and regain control of your love life.
Yogi Bhajan, a founder of Kundalini yoga, says that we “suffer so much when we think that the situation we are in will never end”. And if you know what you need to do to change the course of your love life, your suffering stops.
To go further, my self-study online course Opening up to Love helps you discovering why your love relationship(s) didn’t work, what you did wrong and what unconscious patterns from your childhood you repeat in your loves.
OPENING UP TO LOVE5. Acceptance
credit photo Unsplash
You have understood and accepted the separation and are finally ready to find a new partner. This is the ideal time to change the love patterns you have identified, before starting a new relationship, as these influence who you will fall in love with.
How do you really change your love patterns?
To take it one step further, my coaching program helps you to change your love patterns for good and learn the keys to being happy as a couple.
COACHING PROGRAMAbout the author:
Sandy Kaufmann is a Love coach (certified life coach and etio-psychology-therapist) based in Zürich working mainly online. She is French and speak German, English and Spanish. Her passion is to accompany women to regain their serenity and for them to be happier with themselves and in their relationships. She uses a psycho-physical approach allowing you to work on your love patterns. Her other passions are travelling and lately kundalini yoga. More infos on her website and IG page
