Saying «NO» is self-care – Cécile Schniter

I’m pretty sure you know the situation: you are being asked a favour or taking over some duty. You feel inner resistance; you think about whether or not and how to say “no”.

Meanwhile, your lips form and utter a “yes”.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Women often tend to ponder the external effect of their decisions: they suppress their first, spontaneous reaction. How come? “Be kind” is a solicitation too often heard in our childhood.

Even as adults, nowadays our socialization tends to influence us in a conscious or subconscious way. But how does one know when this is the case?

Set your limits with the guidance of your inner monologues

Even if this may sound funny to you: observe your inner monologues when you are in a decision-making situation. How do you talk to yourself? Is it uplifting and free, or is it full of “you must” and “you are obliged to”?

Certainly, this (probably) new approach needs a little practice. With time, you will know “who is talking”.

To speak in images: arm yourself with a bunch of “no trespassing” signs. Set your limits for “yes” and “no” responses so that your social surrounding gets the chance to treat you respectfully.

The price for not setting your boundaries may be a weakening your position and growing inner anger.

This feeling of “they should know me and what I want” unfortunately is a self-deception: there are people who honestly don’t know (because your wishes can’t be seen in a crystal ball) and people who play with and profit from your “yes” attitude. 

 My 3 little instant helpers for you

 

Tell your counterpart you need to come back to the request.

Explanation: Decision taking nowadays goes hand in hand with time pressure. Gain some extra time where you listen to yourself and further consider which decision feels right for you.

Listen to your first feeling – “gut response”, “intuition” – before your mind intervenes.

Often heard, still unbeatable in accuracy: Your intuition. It’s the quiet voice, still not as respected in our Western societies as the mind, but filled to capacity with multifaceted wisdom. Trust it. Period.

A decision in favour of somebody or something against your inner values is a decision against yourself.

Self-respect begins with yourself. You can’t expect to be respected by others if you do not respect yourself”.  Self-respect is a fundamental aspect for self-love.

If you have read till the end of my column – thank you!  Let’s connect on LinkedIn and Instagram.

About the Author:

Cécile Schniter has a coaching praxis on the lake of Zurich. Coaching sessions are exclusively offered in German.

Head: Unconventional, analytical thinker | Heart: strong, empathic | Roots: 2 decades of business and leadership experience

Cecile Schniter Beratungen www.cecile-schniter.ch
Instagram account cecile_schniter_beratungen
LinkedIn account Cécile Schniter 

• mind
• psychology
• saying no
• self-care