Column Basman Elderawi
The definition of me
I wonder which defines me the most, being an artist, I do believe that writers are the most ultimate artists or is it being a physiotherapist?
Hello! Health providers are artists too but what defines me the most?
Many times, I feel like I would like to be defined behind both of them, defined of who I am. Colour, religion and shape are parts of me but they don’t define me as well.
Who am I? through my life, I often ask myself this question. I am these things but more. I know I will keep asking myself the question. I know there will be different answers.
If I would die now, I would wink to god, telling him, “You did a good job”.
I don’t understand life. Many times, I feel it just has no purpose. When I don’t have what I need, it turns to be awful. Yet, I still can say it was a pretty damn good journey.
If you ever ask me, I won’t do it again however, according to a very curious and passionate person like me, it would be sad if I wasn’t the one who reached my mother’s womb and became a baby.
Being a Palestinian shapes me so much. I think geography can be a mother. It gets me out of my comfort zone. It makes me more vulnerable, which means stronger. If I was sitting next to god, looking at his face, I would ask so many questions. Stupid ones, silly ones and interesting ones.
I am standing in front of the the mirror, looking at my imperfect soul inside of my imperfect body before asking him why the year, 2020 was terrible. Tell him my hope for this, I ask “who I am?”. I know I am all behind that but in the mess of life I lost the definition of me.
Still, I wake up the next morning, telling myself a joke about how life can be so silly. I try another day with another smile, cry or laugh. Another part of my definition. Singing “Just give me a reason”. Looking at the sky, winking to god, saying “Maybe if I look from above I would understand, but you did a good job”.
Hearing him laugh and saying, “Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You’re going to love it”.
Basman Derawi is Palestinian, was born in Kuwait and lived there for two years before coming to Gaza. He is a physiotherapist for the Ministry of Health in Gaza. He thinks of writing as space where he can escape, the best place where he can feel free. He writes in both Arabic and English. He began drafting stories and poems few years ago and is inspired by his questions, music, movies and people with special needs. One of his dreams as a Palestinian is to share and show Palestinians’ real faces as they struggle and work for their rights. He also loves to read, cook, and play video games and basketball.