Family and Kids
5 Parenting Tips to Boost Your Confidence to Talk about Sexuality with your Kids
Parents: Are You Preparing for the Sex Talks?
When I tell parents that I was a sex ed teacher for the majority of my public health career, many parents respond with, “I know I need to talk with my kids about sex but…”
…they are still a little too young.
…I have no idea what to say and I don’t want to mess up.
…my kids just aren’t interested in the sex stuff yet.
…what’s the right age to start talking about sex?
…I’m probably the last person my kids want to talk to about sex.
Credit Kathleen Hema
Here’s a little secret parents: talking to our kids about sex doesn’t come naturally to the majority of us! I have about a decade’s worth of sex education and training under my belt and even I get a little nervous when I have to answer a sex question or discuss a sexual health topic with my kids. And you know what, it’s okay to feel nervous!
Being nervous is actually a good thing. It means that you want to do a good job and that you want to provide your child with medically-accurate and age-appropriate sex education. I encourage parents to start preparing and start thinking about the sex talks from the moment they bring a baby home because the earlier you get started talking about sex, sexuality, and sexual health with your child the easier the sex talks will be when they are in the middle and high school years.
Here are 5 Tips for Parents on Preparing for the Sex Talk(s)
- Learn to Say, “That’s a Great Question & I Don’t Know the Answer”
When your kid asks, “How did the baby get into that person’s tummy?” Say, “That’s a great question & I don’t know the answer at this moment, but I can find out and get back to you.” This buys you time! You have acknowledged that you are happy that your child is asking you questions but you don’t know everything. This allows you to prepare and figure out how to answer this question in an age-appropriate way. But the key here is that you HAVE to get back to them with an answer within a day or two. Because if you don’t answer their question, they may stop asking YOU and start looking for answers elsewhere.
- The Sex Talk(s) are Not Lectures
Answer the question your child asked or use a teachable moment to explain a sex topic in a medically-accurate and succinct manner and don’t forget to add in your family values about the topic then Stop Talking. Give your children the opportunity to process the information that you just gave them and see if they have an additional question. Provide them with a moment of silence to think about what you have said and if they don’t ask you another question right now, know that that’s okay. Move onto another topic of discussion and take comfort in knowing that they heard you. (Unless they had their Airpods in!)
- Be Honest & Medically-Accurate
If your child asks you a question about sexuality, be honest in your response. If you don’t actually know the factual or medically-accurate information, look it up or send me a message and I can help you get the correct information. If you lie or say, “you’re too young to know that” you are shutting down the lines of the communication and the likelihood that they will come back to you with another question are slim. All sex questions can be answered in a medically-accurate and age-appropriate way but it may mean that you need to find out how to answer it for the age of your child. So before you say anything to your child when they ask you a sex question that catches you off guard, see Tip #1.
- Know Your End Goal to the Sex Talks
Why are you even talking to your kids about sex?
What is the point of all these sex talks?
What is your end goal?
Do you want your child to wait until they are an adult to have sex?
Do you want your child to prevent negative consequences of engaging in sex?
Do you want your child to have a healthy sex life one day?
Think about the purpose of having these conversations over the course of 18 years with your child and figure out the big picture to having these talks. Then remind yourself when your child asks you a really tough sex question. What’s the end goal here?
- Get a Daily Dose of Sex Ed for Parents
The majority of parents are on social media platforms and it’s a great way to receive daily tidbits of sex education delivered to you! I suggest this because if you consistently & regularly receive small quantities of sex education, parenting support, & parenting tips around having the sex talks, the more you will start to slowly build your confidence to talk with your child about it. You may start to see why the research supports talking with your child about sex early and often and you will have the opportunity to meet other parents who may feel the same as you. The more you know, the better you may feel to have these talks. Subscribe to platforms and here are some of my accounts you can check out:
Facebook – It’s Time for the Sex Talk for Parents
Instagram – @thekathleenhema
Youtube – Kathleen Hema
I’m a parent too. I know the stress of parenting in the 21st century. I don’t have much free time to read every parenting book so that’s why I decided to put my content on YouTube and started “It’s Time for the Sex Talk for Parents”. When parents subscribe to my channel, I want them to know that they don’t have to watch every new video that comes out on Tuesdays, but they can like a video and save it for when they actually need it. You can Subscribe here
About the author
Photo Credit: Jennifer Firmenich Photography http://www.JenniferFirmenich.com
Kathleen Hema has lectured at universities in the USA & Australia, presented at international conferences, and facilitated workshops and seminars over the past 13 years on a variety of public health and sexual health education topics.
