Why Dont I Want To Be Intimate With My Partner (Part 1) – Nathalie Sommer

Relationship & Intimacy Coach Nathalie Sommer shares her tips on how to feel sensually empowered.

Many people go through a period of not wanting to be intimate with their partner. But being in a totally sexless relationship is a sign something might need to change….

I want to tell you something. If you don’t want to be intimate anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It’s common. It’s not unusual. You’re not alone and you are not broken.

Got it? Right. Now we can all relax.

Depending on the research criteria, 30% to 50% of couples are in sexless relationships, and a study that followed couples over 30 years showed that a whopping 75% reported a decline in bedroom activity over time. No matter what the cause is, not wanting to be intimate is something that almost every woman will experience at some point in her life.

Why should you care about your low libido?

We all have our reasons for wanting or not wanting more intimacy at various points in our lives. Sometimes they coincide with our partner’s own fluctuations and sometimes they don’t. But if it’s long-lasting, I do encourage you to dig a little deeper and get to the root cause, as there can be different underlying issues. It’s not an issue if both people in the relationship no longer want to be intimate, but what if one person does and the other doesn’t?!

There is only so much rejection one person can take. Eventually, all the rejection will lead to them stop making an effort altogether and will create insecurities in one or both partners. Talk about what role you think you’re playing in the drop in frequency and ask your partner what they think and feel about the situation.

Five Hidden Causes That Can Affect Your Sex Life:

Physical: Suffering from a biomechanical issue, scar tissue, injury or other bodily ailments.

If you have had a car accident, surgery, an emergency C-section, or your childbirth was a physical or emotional trauma, all of these can create obstacles to your sensual health and pleasure. Especially if you experience pain during intercourse, go and seek a medical practitioner who can refer you to the right treatment.  Even a trip to the chiropractor can do wonders!

Chemical: Suffering from a change in your personal biochemistry or chemistry with your partner.

Hormones are huge! Especially after giving birth (and, later, when going through menopause), your hormones will fluctuate. Get your hormone levels checked out by going to your general practitioner and ask to have a blood test that includes having your oestrogen and progesterone levels measured. There are great herbs and tonics out there that can help restore your hormones. Vitamin D and vitamin B supplements will help restore oestrogen. I also recommend visiting a naturopath to help you get back on track with your health.

Stress, poor diet and medication are big factors in low libido, too. Also, after just two years of being together with the same person, it’s natural that your chemistry changes and requires more effort to keep intimacy alive.

Emotional: Suffering from past or current emotional trauma, shame, resentment or disconnection from your sensuality and depression.

Post-natal depression, a painful divorce, affairs, parents talking about intimacy in a shameful way – these are all factors that affect your pleasure and intimacy in the bedroom. Healing emotions and removing sensual shadows will help to open up and restore your sensual pleasure. There can be something very deep that may have happened that will transfer the emotions over into the body, where it will freeze and go into fight or flight mode. Seeing a professional to release these emotions can be very beneficial.

Energetic: Suffering from unexplainable issues such as sensitivity to lights or computers (electromagnetic force from these objects).

You may not realise it, but any device that transforms energy into electrical energy can affect your overall wellbeing. Just think how often you use your electrical devices such as your smartphone, tablet, laptop and even the television within the confines of your bedroom.

Switch off your phone and any other electrical devices in the bedroom. Doing so can definitely help to enhance your libido and decrease the “negative energy”.

Dynamics:  Masculine/Feminine dynamics and polarity

Now I don’t want to get too deep but it’s worth highlighting that the rather intricate dynamics between masculine and feminine energy can play a role in your desire to have intimacy with your partner.

For example, if you want your man to be strong, have leadership qualities and take action in the relationship and the bedroom, but you still want to control him and everything that surrounds you, then you’ll find it hard to surrender to intimate pleasure. This kind of behaviour tends to disrupt the balance within your relationship and creates confusion.

Or maybe the opposite is true for you where you unintentionally de-masculinise your partner and he becomes this nice guy who does everything for you. You’re feeling confident that he would never cheat and he’s open with his feelings. But his vulnerability and willingness to please can have you saying ‘no thanks’ and you’re not interested in sex anymore.

Another common polarity in energy I find is when one person takes on the role of being the mother, the wife, the caretaker and leading the household. As a result, that person may find it hard to switch off all these nurturing roles and step into the role of the sensual woman. If you would like some support why not reach out to a feminine embodiment coach and get some support to balance the dynamics?

About the author:
Nathalie Sommer is a certified Relationship & Intimacy Coach, Women’s Transformational Coach, speaker and international workshop facilitator. Through her communities, 1:1 + group coaching, speaking and events. Nathalie is supporting and transforming women’s and couples relationships and lives from around the globe, helping them to create powerful transformations through sensual feminine embodiment, relationship & intimacy work.
You can follow her work on Instagram and join her lively Eros Temple For Modern Women Facebook Group for intimate chats all about relationships, pleasure and sex. You can also visit her website to find out more about her services, or take Nathalie’s Eros Archetype Quiz 

• Intimate
• libido
• Love life
• sex