Dating Tips – How To Play The Dating Game With Ease

 

A relationship coach shares her expertise on how to date with ease.. 

Single and dating? Does it feel like a jungle out there? You may feel your head is spinning with the inherent contradictions in the arbitrary dating rules, that have somehow become common knowledge in modern dating. You may have come across some of these main offenders like; don’t be too available. Don’t be too distant. Don’t respond too quickly – make them wait, you don’t want to look needy. But don’t make them wait too long, they’ll lose interest. Don’t ask about commitment or labels too quickly, whatever “too quickly” means. Sound familiar?!

So, without ado, let’s look at how you can experience some fun and ease in getting your dating game on.

Setting Boundaries

Are you tired of receiving late-night texts or phone calls? Or maybe you are fed up with the lack of attention from the person you’re dating – they won’t call or make the next date?

First of all, identify whatever the behaviour is that isn’t working for you. Next, talk to them about how overstepping these boundaries make you feel. You’ll find that generally, people listen when we talk about feelings and don’t blame them. 

Say something like “ I enjoy spending time with you, and I think you’re amazing (start with the positive), but I feel we might not be on the same page.  I want to get to know you better, and if you’re not available for that, I feel I’m wasting my time, and I feel sad (set the boundary with the emphasis on feelings). If you keep letting me know about your last-minute plans, we will have to stop communicating. I trust you will respect my feelings as I enjoy our time spent together (end on a positive note)”.

A little tip: make sure you follow through with the consequence if they don’t step up! They’ll know if you’re bluffing and won’t take you seriously. Additionally, it sets a dangerous precedent for a future relationship.

How To Respond When Someone Ghosts You

Ghosting is when someone you’ve been dating stops all communication with you and pretty much drops off the face of the earth. You can think everything is going well and then suddenly they’re gone, and you’re left wondering what happened. Firstly, ensure you’re legitimately being ghosted, and that their absence is not a coincidence.

You can say something along the lines of:” I haven’t heard from you in a long while, so I am going to assume this isn’t going any further. It would be nice to get some clarity.”

Give it a time limit when you want to hear from them. If you don’t hear back after setting a time limit, then cease all contact and delete everything related to them. I know this is the hardest part, but you want to take the high road wherever possible. There are many different reasons people ghost (fear of the unknown, conflict avoidance etc.) Most importantly, do not blame yourself and be grateful they’re gone.

Understanding The Power Of Polarity

The dating game is incredibly sexy, fun and beautiful when you know how to play in the masculine and feminine (they are not gender-related, think of it like Yin & Yang) and create polarity.  If you want to attract someone that leads, is ambitious, assertive and desires y0u (leading in their yang), you have to invite them to dance as you lean into your playful, receptive energy (surrender into your yin).

When you’re in your yin energy, dating can be easy and fun if you get the ants out of your head and work on your belief system, stand firm in the feminine yin energy and know your worth and power.  Stop thinking about “where is this going” and “are you looking for anything serious”. From that place, you’ll be able to attract the right match. The masculine yang energy would give anything to be with someone easy going, and fun. Let them come to you! Believe me, if he wants you, he will come to you and invite you to dance.

Connect To Your Sensual Being

We all have sensual and intimate desires and getting clear about your needs and wants inside and outside the bedroom, allows you to be more powerful and confident with that part of yourself. To fully own that, you simply need to explore that side of you both inside and outside the bedroom. Take some time for yourself and discover what gives you sensual pleasure. Or practice dialling up your sensual body language – move slow and sensually, soften your voice, lean back – it’s fun and playful and flirty! Take this quiz to discover your pathway to sensual embodiment,  so that you can feel confident inside and outside the bedroom.

Shifting Your Believes

Make a goal to be your authentic self when dating. As cliché as it sounds, staying true to you involves your “inner” game matching your “outer” game. The first step is, to be honest with yourself, look at your beliefs around relationships, acknowledge your past patterns and restore your self-worth. Once you do that, you’ll notice everything shifts and others will feel it. Trust me when I say they’ll line up to spend time with you because they want to feel free with you.

Things you can do

• Journal and reflect on what your past relationships had in common. Ask yourself; how did I feel in my previous relationships (what felt right/what felt wrong)? What did they have in common? What were my learnings? Where do I need to take responsibility? How do I want to feel in the next relationship?
• Do more of the things that help you to connect to yourself to create more profound self-love. i.e. being in nature, reading a book, journal, practising mindfulness, connecting with your body through dance, yoga and meditation.
• Work with a coach (like me) and do a deep dive into how to create a new relationship blueprint with self and others that will open you up to receiving the  love you desire..
• Read the book Wired For Love to help you understand your own and others’ attachment styles to create healthy relationships.

Your Vulnerability Is Strength 

No act of courage has ever taken place without first stepping into vulnerability (quoting Brene Brown). Which means, it’s time to be courageous, follow your gut and do YOU. It’s human nature to protect ourselves from having our feelings hurt and to evade rejection. Being vulnerable is a risk we have to take to experience any kind of meaningful connection. Take the lead in revealing yourself according to your level of trust and comfort and create a space where honest, revelatory and expansive conversations can occur (you might be surprised how others start doing the same).

Does it put us at greater risk of getting hurt?  Yes! That’s why we don’t do it, and why we created these parameters around dating. We want to protect ourselves from being hurt, so we reject vulnerability, but in doing so, we also deny ourselves the possibility of connection, belonging, joy and genuine happiness. Being hurt by the wrong person is a risk worth taking to connect with the right person. 

About the author:
Nathalie Sommer is a certified Relationship & Intimacy Coach, Women’s Transformational Coach, speaker and international workshop facilitator. Through her communities, 1:1 + group coaching, speaking and events.
Nathalie is supporting and transforming women’s and couples relationships and lives from around the globe, helping them to create powerful transformations through sensual feminine embodiment, relationship & intimacy work.
You can follow her work via https://www.instagram.com/nata.sommer/ on Instagram and join her lively Eros Temple For Modern Women Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1835416650102332/   for intimate chats all about relationships, pleasure and sex. You can also visit her website to find out more about her services http://nathaliesommer.com/, or take Nathalie’s Eros Archetype Quiz http://nathaliesommer.com/quiz/

• boundaries
• dating
• polarity
• sensuality