How to keep the spark alive with your partner when working from home

Being stuck inside with a partner when working from home day-in, day-out can put a damper on the intimacy department. It’s easy to assume, the more time you spend together will create a deep connection to keep the spark and your romance alive. Whilst love enjoys knowing everything about you, desire needs mystery and novelty. It’s easy to settle into the comforts of love, but it can cease to fan the flame of desire (fire needs air)!

If you want to keep the spark alive whilst working from home with your partner, let’s look at how to reinvent, or get creative about how you spend your time together.  

Boundaries & managing expectations:

Maybe working from home with your partner is new to you, or you’re used to it. Either way, it’s important to remember that not every day will be perfect and blissful, especially with little ones around too. Managing expectations, setting boundaries and establishing roles are key to creating a healthy foundation, one that will last well into the evening and it turns into bedroom time.  You don’t want to have a collapse of all the roles in one space that intersect with each other all the time.

What I suggest is to sit down and have a clear conversation about what your needs and expectations are about working from home. For example: Set hours of the day for a no-disturbance zone from this hour to this hour. Who is going to be in which room and when? How will you know when not to disrupt each other? What are the important deadlines you are currently working on? What about kids, food etc? 

 Communication to build connection 

Are you aware of your partner’s work or other stresses? How do you feel about you both being at home during work hours? Are there challenges? If this is not regularly discussed as part of your natural conversation then setting up ‘a meeting’ once or twice a week and checking how you can be of support to each other, can help build understanding. Do you ever find yourself feeling frustrated about a situation, but you don’t know how to process* it? Speaking things out loud will help create clarity and to let go of tension. You’re also less likely to let your frustrations out on our partner as a reaction of built up emotions.

Here are a few proven steps you can take to help strengthen your relationship to create communication:

Vulnerability: Share with your partner how you truly feel. Drop the masks and express what’s happening in your inside world.

Mindful listening: Listen to understand and be fully present with the other person. Not trying to fix or come up with solutions.

Validating: Let them know what you hear and understand what they are saying and that you can see why they might be feeling this way (even if you don’t share the same viewpoint).

If you’d like some support to help create better communication in your relationship to build deeper connection, why not get some support from a relationship coach? 

 Quality time & Building Desire 

We all desire, novelty and mystery as it creates – curiosity! If you see your partner day in and out it’s hard to miss and long for them. Even though it may be nice to spend all this time with your partner, in order to cultivate desire and eroticism in your life, you must bring anticipation into the relationship.

So instead of sitting on top of each other – create space! Schedule in quality time to do things you both enjoy instead. Put the mobile phones and other distractions away to be truly present with each other! Get each of you to make suggestions on how to spend that quality time. Maybe it’s reading a book together, cooking a meal, or going for a walk. Think about the things you enjoy doing that will lead to connection. If you want to create some erotic tension, why not get creative and bring in some spontaneous erotic teasers? It will help build anticipation and it can result in both spontaneous and planned sex. This doesn’t have to take up loads of time or energy. Send each other a cheeky text message as you sit across the room, followed by a cheeky smile. See what happens if you just kiss for 15 minutes.  What happens if you only touch each other above the waist, but you don’t touch below (hot, right?!)? This is not only fun, but it keeps you in a state of longing, anticipation and desire – the perfect aphrodisiac to keep the intimacy alive.

Date night ideas for home after work:

When you look up date ideas, picnic suggestions pop up nine times out of ten. It might feel basic, but eating your favourite snack foods on a blanket late at night at home will create novelty – if you bring the right energy. The picnic date idea at home is transferable to balconies, living room floors, or the bed. All you need to do is create a spread of your favourite food & wine and don’t forget the music! Then start some intimate sharing (not about the kids or work), about the things you appreciate about each other or what you love about each other. If you want to amp it up, take turns by sharing what you’d like to discover intimately.

Trust me, this will open up to new possibilities, build anticipation and will set sparks flying. Another option is to dress up for the occasion! The temptation to opt for some form of comfy loungewear at home all day every day when working from home is tough to ignore since the outside world likely won’t be seeing you that often. For the gents, go the extra mile and pick a nice shirt, have a shave and remind your partner of how well you scrub up! For the ladies, why not dress up in a set of lingerie (embrace those feminine curves) with a silken soft kimono, this will be sure to set the tone!

Touch games & pathways to pleasure:

Many of us are aware of how much touch, affection and intimacy are some of our basic needs.  If you’re craving more novelty, I suggest exploring with some touch games in the bedroom! And to really heighten your sense of touch, grab a blindfold. By shutting down your sense of sight, your sense of touch gets heightened  in a major way. Blindfolds also create a sense of anticipation, which can be an incredible turn-on. You can use a scarf or invest in a comfortable blindfold designed for sensual play.  Before you start, set boundaries about what won’t happen once the blindfold is on. Then look deep into one another’s eyes, then gently put the blindfold on. Allow some time for your partner to sink into the experience of darkness. Then, slowly begin touching your partner’s entire body. Start with the kinds of touch you know they love!

If you want to feel confident and find out more about each other’s pathways to deeper connection, touch and sensual desires, then take this quiz to discover your Sensual Archetype! Once you’re all set, then slowly bring in the elements of surprise and tease. Not being able to anticipate what is coming next will make you yearn for more! Heighten that anticipation by using rhythm and variety.

About the author:
Nathalie Sommer is a certified Relationship & Intimacy Coach, Women’s Transformational Coach, speaker and international workshop facilitator. Through her communities, 1:1 + group coaching, speaking and events.
Nathalie is supporting and transforming women’s and couples relationships and lives from around the globe, helping them to create powerful transformations through sensual feminine embodiment, relationship & intimacy work.
You can follow her work via https://www.instagram.com/nata.sommer/ on Instagram and join her lively Eros Temple For Modern Women Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1835416650102332/   for intimate chats all about relationships, pleasure and sex. You can also visit her website to find out more about her services http://nathaliesommer.com/, or take Nathalie’s Eros Archetype Quiz http://nathaliesommer.com/quiz/

 

• boundaries
• communication
• date nights
• home office
• intimacy
• relationship