Column Nathalie Sommer
Relationship and Intimacy Coach Nathalie Sommer gives her expert advice on how to create true intimacy in a relationship.
Are you looking to attract or sustain the most delicious love life possible? Do you want to experience heart-pounding ecstasy, deep companionship and playfulness that lasts?
Most of us yearn to connect in passionate, meaningful, hot and intimate relationships that deepen and grow over time. I believe you can have IT ALL, if you know how to combine three key ingredients in your relationship – intimacy, connection and sensuality.
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What is true intimacy
True intimacy starts with being connected with ourselves. After all, we need to know how to listen to our own sensations and emotions, and be in tune with translating those signals into responsive reactions, before we can be truly intimate with another. However, what does that entail? For me, it starts with giving to myself first. I need to connect with my innermost needs first and fill those to up my love tank. Then naturally I then can give more time and presence to my partner, rather than being needy, feeling starved and expecting them to fill me up with connection and love. Start by asking yourself, what helps me to feel intimate with myself? Is it to do more of the things that give you immense pleasure and nurture your needs (maybe it’s as simple as buying yourself flowers, or dancing in the bedroom)? Is it to take some deep breaths and feel the energy in your body? Or is to speak kindly with yourself (admire your body rather than judge it or allow yourself to feel your feelings rather than numb your emotions)? It’s often the simple things that create embodiment and true intimacy in ourselves, and the more we create intimate moments for ourselves, they will then overflow into the relationship.
How Can I Create A Deeper Connection With My Partner?
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Do you remember the last time you paused with your partner to connect? I mean really took a full pause to just be. It’s human nature to want to be truly, fully seen by our partner; to be known and held in their thoughts and gaze. That’s what makes our hearts burst open. So why not make a little more time for connection?
Whether it’s a pause to look into each other’s eyes, or holding hands and sharing what you appreciate about your partner, slow down and enjoy being with one another. What you send out is also what comes back. The more we open ourselves and carve out time to connect with one another, the more we feel love and intimacy.
This is actually my favourite thing to witness when I work with my clients. Typically, when I first start working with a couple, I can see there’s a disconnect – there’s usually a longing for more on both sides. Once they start to put in the time and effort, they tell me how they have more compassion and understanding for one another within a short period of time. They also experience more love and fewer arguments. Overall, there’s a deeper connection between them than ever before, which then generally leads to better intimacy inside and outside the bedroom. That’s the power of connection!
How Do I Keep The Sensual Chemistry?
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Of course, it’s beautiful to feel deep love, intimacy and connection, but if you’re not feeling the spark then we don’t feel desire. Sensual chemistry can begin to wane at the two-year mark, so it’s important that we speak each other’s intimacy language in order to keep the sensual and connection alive.
It’s quite common to think that sensual desire simply consists of kissing and intercourse, yet there is so much more to it than that. A healthy sex life is all about discovering each other’s pathways to arousal and keeping the discovery ongoing.
To achieve this, why not experiment with what your deepest intimate desires are. What type of touch you like, share a dirty story, or reminisce over your previous memorable sensual experience together? To feel desire and create passion, we need adventure and curiosity, and these things will certainly do that and more. Not sure where to begin? This quizhttp://nathaliesommer.com/quiz is a great place to start.
In the end, it’s important to remember that relationships and sex are a continuous journey. In reality, we need to constantly be working on our relationship, course-correcting as we go – it’s the only way to evolve and grow in ourselves and the relationship we are in.
About the author:
Nathalie Sommer is a certified Relationship & Intimacy Coach, Women’s Transformational Coach, speaker and international workshop facilitator. Through her communities, 1:1 + group coaching, speaking and events.
Nathalie is supporting and transforming women’s and couples relationships and lives from around the globe, helping them to create powerful transformations through sensual feminine embodiment, relationship & intimacy work.
You can follow her work via https://www.instagram.com/nata.sommer/ on Instagram and join her lively Eros Temple For Modern Women Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1835416650102332/ for intimate chats all about relationships, pleasure and sex. You can also visit her website to find out more about her services http://nathaliesommer.com/, or take Nathalie’s Eros Archetype Quiz http://nathaliesommer.com/quiz/
